Bittersweet

Saying goodbye to patients can be bittersweet. The last several days I have had the same patients. Two of them have been in the hospital for months, but I got to work on discharge issues for each of them and even see one off to rehab. The one I discharged today was the main contributer to one of my worst days at work a couple of months ago. The last few days have been a pleasure working with him. The other gave me a hug yesterday once I got home health care set up. But the one I really want to tell about is another. He has been here for a few days, and I have been his nurse for the morning shift every single one of those days. Today, when I told him goodbye, he kept getting teary eyed. It's rewarding but also sad when my patients get so attached. That has happened with several patients lately.

Working

Working around the holiday is interesting. On Friday, I ended up working four hours on a trauma orthopedics floor and four hours in pediatrics. It made for a busy but fun day as I worked somewhere other than my floor for the first time. Today was busy with patient care and teaching along with new doctor orders all of the time.

I keep laughing every time I think of one couple. Teaching the husband to do the dressing change on his wife was hilarious! Knowing that he had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease like his wife, I was expecting someone feeble and on oxygen. Instead, I was greated by an energetic roll your sleeves up and dive in sort of man! The biggest problem we had with the dressing change was when he cracked his wife up laughing and we had to stop until she recovered. By the way, that was not a bad problem, because it was a painful procedure. Then, in the end, I got to have a demonstration of how he can growl! After the dressing change, he asked me if I would consider going into teaching. Things like this make me happy:)

It is a bit hard to know that all of my family is home without me right now. Yesterday they met with Mama's side of the family and today was with Daddy's family. Three of my cousins are there with babies that I have yet to meet. At the same time, the opportunity to spend it with the people who are in the hospital is a blessing, because most of them want to be there less than I do. Knowing that I will get to fly home, Lord willing, in less than a week sure helps!!!

"A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart." ~Johann Wolfgang Van Gothe

Blessed

I feel like the most blessed person in the whole, wide world! The last few days have just been packed with wonderful visits with special people! So many people care! To top it all off, I got to visit a couple of senior citizens yesterday and today. I tell you, if you want to be blessed, go visit elderly people who are lonely! It will bless you more than it can possibly bless them!

Forgiveness

"Not to forgive imprisons me in the past." ~Philip Yancey

"He who cannot forgive another breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself." ~George Herbert

I am slowly working through Philip Yancey's book What's So Amazing about Grace. So many points in this book have hit home with me, but he does a particularly excellent job addressing the issue of forgiveness as it relates to interpersonal and even international issues. The problem with forgiveness is that it is unfair. If you have been wronged shouldn't the perpetrator have to pay? That is how the cycle of ungrace, grudges, and revenge begins. Yancey points out a jamlog between grace and justice. Doesn't reason say that only justice is right? Guardini says: "As long as you are tangled in wrong and revenge, blow and counterblow, aggression and defense, you will be constantly drawn into fresh wrong...only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others." I've seen this happen in simple fun things like pillow fights. One person starts it, the other pows back to get even, but the blow was either not hard enough or too hard to call it equal, so the fight continues. Who can ever say at what point it is actually even? The same is the case in tribal and international conflicts. Countries or races nurture grudges from centuries ago up through the current fresh injuries and the conflict is perpetuated generation to generation.

Yancey explains, "The strongest argument in favor of grace is the alternative, a world of ungrace. The strongest argument for forgiveness is the alternative, a permanent state of unforgiveness." To strengthen his point, Yancey points out examples of grace and ungrace from bombings to the Holocaust and individual and national responses. It all comes back to the quote at the beginning of this post: "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past." ~Philip Yancey

So many people are stuck in the past nurturing grievances such as abuse that can never be undone or the murder of loved ones that cannot be brought back to life. Forgiveness does not justify sin, but it frees the wronged to move forward and break the chain of ungrace and vengence. Forgiveness may not be easy and it may not be instant, but it marks the beginning of recovery from wrong. It frees the forgiver to move forward. It helps lift the burden of guilt from the forgiven. When you think an atrocity is too big to be forgiven, remember that Jesus asked his Father to forgive His crusifiers. Remember the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18: 21-35. In order for us to receive God's forgiveness, it is important that we forgive each other. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:12, 14-15

We already know what a world of ungrace looks like. Yancey reminds of Ghandi's observation that the world would go blind if we follow the "eye for an eye" rule. I think the world's already largely blinded. What would it look like if we add a little grace and forgiveness? What would it look like for you to forgive those whose wrongs you nurture? Will you strive to break the cycle of ungrace in your own life and your family?

Aware

Perhaps one of the things I love most about photography is that is helps me discover the world around me. So many things about it parallel life. It's all about lighting, distance, what is included or excluded, which part is in focus, perspective. It's about seeking, discovering, and capturing beauty. Sometimes the simplest, everyday subjects make the best photos. How you see each day depends on how you look at it.

Become a child again. Open your eyes to fresh, new discoveries. Never cease to wonder and be amazed. Walk off the trail. Crawl through underbrush. Stand awed at the power of the wind in the treetops.Use your senses. Listen, smell, see, feel. Become aware of your surroundings. Don't get so caught up in yourself that you fail to discover the world around you. Incorporate some adventure into your life!

"How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure." ~Chesterton

My Little Brother

I have a wonderful
"little" brother! One of my earliest memories includes the fact that Daniel was too little to do something that I, a big girl, was able to do. Well, that didn't last too long. He tries to let me keep my place as older sister, but I've found myself needing his expertise more than once! It was hard to know what he would do when he grew up, because he was always great with things like cattle, horses, and woodworking; he loved the outdoors and anything related to old time farm life.
He knows how to tie knots!
Late in high school, he became interested in the unlikely profession of healthcare! Far from what I would have expected from him, he took to EMT things and then nursing. It has been so much fun sharing stories, knowledge, and experiences with Daniel over these last few years as he we have both studied nursing. His love for the Lord, skill at working with people, competence, and enthusiasm for what he does are what make him one of the best!

Daniel, I can't believe that you just finished your last nursing final and are ready to graduate!

Everyday News

Are you tired of hearing only what is going wrong in the world? Are you frustrated with our news media? YOU need to hear Everyday News!

http://www.visionforum.com/hottopics/multimedia/enn/2006/12/1969.aspx

Thanksgiving Forward

Our WHOLE family, 10 total, met this year in Macomb, Illinois, at Ben and Tandalee's apartment for Thanksgiving. What may have been quite an in-law experience for Tandalee, with 8 extra hungry mouths to feed and 6 extra full beds, couches, and blow-up mattresses, was a good time for the rest of us:) We had some very nice meals and time to just relax and visit. The weather was sunny and gorgeous, so we got in some Frisbee throwing and walks. I got to spend nearly a week there enjoying family and reading books.
My week to rest, visit, and just think was broken harshly by my first days of work when I returned to Rochester. Those first two days in particular were full of new doctors' orders, constant patient needs and complications, extensive coordination, a constantly beeping pager, and phone calls to prepare patients for discharge and transfer. I failed to take a break those first two days, and an unexpected encounter in the hall resulted in person breaking a bone. It was not directly anyone's fault, but I felt indirectly responsible and was the only witness, so I had to report what happened to security. Yesterday, I was able to visit with the person, who does not blame me and is able to laugh about it all inspite of being in the hospital.

The last couple of days carried an interesting twist as well. Yesterday I had a patient adamantly request another nurse. The day before, I was a good nurse, though the patient was crabby. I was dreading having this patient again, but kept telling myself that just one patient like that should not be able to ruin my day or control me. Well, I saw the spouse in the hall, who wanted me to come in and say "Hi." The patient didn't remember me right away, then it dawned; I was that horrible, incompetent, in-your-face nurse from the day before. From that moment on, it was impossible to regain my reputation. Anything I did or said was wrong. My best plan of action was to get other nurses to help me as much as possible and keep my mouth tightly shut. You know, it's rather hard to care for a patient who constantly gives you the hate stare and snaps at you occasionally, making a point to complement the care of the other nurses. One bright spot is that the spouse kept hugging me and telling me not to take it hard. I just feel sorry for what that spouse goes through day in day out. Finally, at 7pm, I was able to take another patient and give mine away.

Over the last couple of weeks, I feel like I have learned a lot through my difficult experiences. I'm beginning to feel much more competent and confident. I came home laughing about it all yesterday. Give me all kinds of tubes and wounds, and I'm ready to take them on!