Loneliness

Loneliness. It is something we all face at some time or another. It is something I am facing now to a degree. It may be accompanied by self-pity, sadness, dejection. Why do I and so many others experience this human emotion? Mother Teresa writes: "As far as I am concerned, the greatest suffering is to feel alone, unwanted, unloved. The greatest suffering is also having no one, forgetting what an intimate, truly human relationship is, not knowing what it means to be loved, not having family or friends. Loneliness is the world's biggest problem; more people die from loneliness than from cancer, heart disease, and all the plagues that kill people in the world."

I recently read a book called The Giver by Lois Lowry. Though written for children, this book provides insight on the necessity of experience and emotion. The community in the book functions smoothly, but people have little depth of emotion, positive or negative. They live their lives, do their work, and perhaps get approval to have a spouse and two children--one male and one female. Once the children are raised, they live in the home for those who are childless. Once they are no longer productive members of society, they move to the place for the old, where they are eventually "released." For the most part, people live peaceful lives. However, there is one person who experiences true emotions and feelings, including love, joy, pain, and suffering. This one person, the Receiver, provides wisdom for the community based on these experiences. When young Jonas is chosen as the new Receiver, he moves from a life with relatively little emotion to a life of intense feelings of pleasure, love, fear, and pain. He realizes that life is hardly worth living without them and thinks that everyone should feel them. However, these experiences, strong feelings and freedom carry great danger. What if a person makes a choice that is not good for them or others? What if there would be more war, fear, and pain? Jonas comes to the conclusion that it is worth the risk because there is no substance to life without true emotion and feelings.

Why then do I have to experience this feeling of loneliness? Being busy, as I have been for the last few years can take that feeling away, but it can also keep me from confronting the actual issue. Perhaps deep down, God gives this feeling of being alone to help me realize my need for Him. There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled by human relationships. During times of loneliness and always, there is a Friend who desires my heart. Another reason that God may give me times of loneliness is not to make me feel sorry for myself, but to help me understand how so many others in this world are feeling. What about some of my patients who lie in bed for hours every day with no family? Nurses, doctor, physical therapists, and chaplains go in and out all day long for weeks on end, but every time it seems like there is a new face. They may care, but they do not provide lasting friendship. Or, think of children abandoned physically or emotionally curling up in rags to sleep. Consider some of our elders who spend hours each day alone in a nursing home. In a world concerned with overpopulation, how is it that we have so much hurt and loneliness?

Loneliness is just one of the ranges of emotions that we feel. It can help create understanding for others that are going through it. Like the book The Giver points out, in order to feel true pleasure in this life, there will also be pain. Could it be that it is impossible to fully enjoy relationships without being acquainted with loneliness? Would I feel my need for God without that desire for companionship? Surely God does not allow the feeling of loneliness to drive us into self-pity and despair, but to draw us into His arms and to cause us to reach out to each other.