East West HOME is Best

Words cannot describe the way I feel. Maybe some photos will help portray the beauty that swept me away on my walk yesterday and convey the peace and joy of being HOME! Never before have I seen so many Lace Cacti in bloom at once!






Greenthread or Golden Wave cover the burned areas from last June's grass fires.

Purple Loco on a hill.

The girls and I had a little fun...

Anna and I scared up a few deer, then, a moment later, Queenie came running our direction being chased by a coyote! After a bit, we yelled at them, the coyote paused, then Queenie was after the coyote!The yucca are in full bloom.

This morning, the girls and I picked Lamb's Quarters, a plant that we blanch, freeze, and use like spinach.

Favorite Books

What are your all time favorite books or books that you highly recommend that I add to my reading list?

Here are some that I have enjoyed most through the years:

Bruchko--Bruce Olsen
The Cross and the Switchblade--David Wilkerson
The Price of Freedom--Alex Domokos
Hidden Rainbow--Christmas Carol Kauffman
A Child Called "It"--Dave Pelzer
The Lost Boy--Dave Pelzer
A Man Named Dave--Dave Pelzer
The Hiding Place--Corrie Ten Boom
God's Smuggler--Brother Andrew
Of Whom the World Was Not Worthy--Marie Chapian
Where is God When It Hurts--Philip Yancey
My Utmost for His Highest

There are so many others that I'm not thinking of now, but each of these came to mind because of the impact they have had on me.

Mother's Day

At the grocery store, I was chatting with the checkout ladies. As I walked away, one of them hollered out "Happy Mother's Day!" It caught me off guard; my little snort laugh was not exactly the appropriate response! Well, Mother's Day isn't for me yet, so my thoughts turned to my own wonderful mother.Today a friend of mine through the Elder Network went with me on a drive to Lake City, which is on Lake Pepin, a widened part of the Mississippi River. We went to a tea room there for lunch, which was FULL of two groups of women, a Red Hat club and a bus group from Rochester. It was good for Bev to get out and experience life beyond the gossip of her senior living apartment building. We talked about many things, including Bev's childhood. Her mother died when she was 5 months old. During her childhood, she was mostly seen as a burden to her grandparents, father, and other family members who helped raise her.

I am thankful that I have a mother. Mama and Daddy make me and my brothers and sisters feel loved and wanted. Mama rarely lectures to teach a lesson. Most of the things I have learned from her are from the way she lives. She is always careful to respect Daddy. She cares for her parents. She cooks, cleans, gardens, teaches, and works on the farm. Mama lives one of the most unselfish lives of anyone that I know. I have a lot to live up to. Thank you, Mama!

Jenny Friend

It makes me smile to think about the fun times and thoughtful conversa-tions that Jenny and I had this week. Jenny and I met when we were a few months old, and she has blessed my life ever since. What a great time I had showing her around my Minnesota tromping grounds.

Since the weather was gorgeous, we decided to borrow Sarah's bike and rent another so we could enjoy the outdoors and explore Rochester and the surrounding trails. The friendly guys at the bike place recognized me, and Jenny confirmed to them that I had bought the bike from them that was stolen in the fall. Well, because of that, the guy decided to let us use the bike for free for the day, saying he was sure we would take care of it and return it. "Just bring us a pack of beer, or if that's against your religion, some pop," he joked. We decided to make a stop at the Gingerbread House to get donuts for them on the way back:)

Jenny graciously endured the lengthy tour of Saint Mary's Hospital and the downtown Mayo campus. The best part was when she graced the halls with "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" on the grand piano, which is below the man on the wall in this photo. It was fun to watch people turn, stop, and listen as the message of the music and familiar words behind it reached into their present circumstances.

Other things we did include listening, talking, laughing, talking, cooking, walking, talking, spending time with friends, Jenny playing keyboard and me playing flute, visiting...you get the idea. Contrary to what most of you imagined, we managed to keep out of trouble. We only got into one real fight, which involved licking a pan... Thank you so much for the great visit and encouragement, Jenny!

For the rest of you who have expressed interest in coming to visit, let this be a reminder to you that you that I am only here until August, so book your tickets!!!

Land of 10,000 Lakes

Olmsted County, where I live, is the only county in Minnesota with no natural lakes. So, to see the lake country, a couple of friends, Kate and Maurita, and I drove up north to Itasca State Park.

We went hiking and kayaking and just enjoyed lots of time together. I saw a loon for the first time! For some reason, I have always been fascinated with this northern bird that lives on and in the water. Most loons cannot take off from land and are not good at walking, but swim and dive they can. They have very distinct calls and a unique plumage. I didn't take this photo, but it gives you an idea of what they look like.

Itasca State Park is also where the headwaters of the Mississippi are found! It officially starts where water drains out of lake Itasca, the lake where we were kayaking. Below, my friends are crossing the headwaters of the mighty Mississippi.

Fire towers such as this one were used in the early 1900's to spot and locate fires. The person in the lookout had a wheel to use in order to get the direction of the fire. Using the direction reported from another tower, coordinates could be determined in order to identify the exact location of the fire. Around 1950, airplanes mostly took over the job of locating fires, though a few towers are still in use. Early towers were simply in the tops of trees, but those such as this one were designed like windmills in order to tower above the tree tops.

Photos of Paul Bunyon and I are coming...

Travels and Finding Purpose in Suffering

Last weekend, Thursday through Monday, I was in the air and on the road visiting my older brother, Micah, in Washington DC and driving with him and his friend, Matthew, down to Tennessee for the wedding of a friend. It was a great time of renewing old friendships and making new ones. I took a bunch of pictures, but they were for matron of honor on her camera:)
Micah took some time out just for his sister after we got back to DC, which meant a lot. After walking around the capital on Monday morning in the cold and wind, I arrived back in Rochester to calm, gorgeously beautiful 70+ degree weather, yet feeling rather tired and emotional.

The trip allowed extra time for reading, so I just finished Philip Yancey's book, Where is God When it Hurts. In this excellently crafted book, Yancey explores several aspects of pain and suffering, from the physiological purpose of pain, to ways in which people respond to suffering, how we can respond to those hurting, and how God participated in our suffering through Christ. While he touches on the philosophical, I appreciate the practical approach and application that he uses in presenting this difficult but extremely relevant topic. The things he says lend meaning my personal experiences and those that I observe daily in my patients. Rather than attempting a complete book review, I'm going to share some of the thoughts and quotes that made an impression on me.

Okay, I guess I'm still emotional, because I am crying right now about one patient in particular. She's been in the hospital for nearly 4 months now, and the final outcome of her health is still uncertain. She struggles with depression and motivation after so long, yet she is an example of how one can allow the Lord to transform pain to teach and strengthen us and turn us toward Him. A few weeks ago, she was quite emotional, and I offered to pray for her, so we just paused to lay everything before the Lord. Yesterday was a bit tough because she was waiting for another surgery. As I was about to leave, she asked me if I would do something for her, then she asked me to pray for her. That was such a special time to again go before the Lord with tears and faith in His love. I don't know the why behind her hurt, and I don't know if she will recover, but I do know that she is allowing something beautiful to come of her pain.

Suffering has the power to draw a family together in ways not otherwise possible. It has the power to change both the sufferer and those close to him/her. Yet the power lies not in the pain, but in the response to it, for it also causes people to turn bitter. It causes many to wonder how a loving God can allow evil. I don't know the answer to that question, but as we are not exempt, neither was Christ.

"On the cross, God himself obsorbed the aweful pain of this world...God did not give us words or theories on the problem of pain. He gave us himself. A philosophy may explain difficult things, but has no power to change them. The gospel, the story of Jesus' life, promises change." ~Yancey

Just to know that Christ was tempted and tried in all ways as a human like me is such a comfort, because I know I am not alone and that He understands.

It's interesting to look at pain philosophically, but I think it is an issue that must be looked at personally as well. Why do we have to get old and go through the be dependent on others? Having worked in a nursing home and with hospice, I have thought about that a lot. Some people seem to become more beautiful through it, but others, such as those who no longer have mental capacities, are unable to grow through it. In those cases, I think the lesson is primarily for those who must care for them. One of the most lovely ladies I know spent 26 years of her life caring for her husband after he had a stroke. He could only speak about 5 words for those 26 years, yet this lady gave so much of her life for him, and that is probably a part of what makes her the sensative, caring friend that she is now, ministering to the lonely and needy in her community.

"I think God has planned the strength and beauty of youth to be physical. But the stength and beauty of age is spiritual. We gradually lose the stength and beauty that is temporary so we'll be sure to concentrate on the strength and beauty which is forever. It makes us more eager to leave behind the temporary, deteriorating part of us and be truly homesick for our eternal home. If we stayed young and strong and beautiful, we never want to leave!" ~J. Robertson McQuilkin

"The Bible consistently changes the questions we bring to the problem of pain. It rarely, or ambiguously, answers the backward-looking question 'Why?' Instead, it raises the very different, forward-looking question, 'To what end?' We are not put on earth merely to satisfy our desires, to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. We are here to be changed, to be made more like God in order to prepare us for a lifetime with him. And that process may be served by the mysterious pattern of all creation: pleasure sometimes emerges against a background of pain, evil may be transformed into good, and suffering may produce something of value." ~Yancey

"The value lies not in the pain itself, but in what we can make of it." ~Yancey

"A wise sufferer will not look inward, but outward." ~Yancey

Often people don't do anything for those who are suffering physically, emotionally, or spiritually because they don't know what to do or say. Sometimes it is awkward. There aren't always words to say. The sufferer is not always appreciative of our efforts. But guess what, it is okay to not know what to do but try to be there anyway. It may make you vulnerable as you expose your lack of know how, but the sufferer is feeling very vulnerable, and to see that in someone else sometimes does him/her good as well.

"In fact, the answer to the question, 'How do I help those who hurt?' is exactly the same as the answer to the question, 'How do I love?'" ~Yancey

"I believe we in the body of Christ are called to show love when God seems not to...In moments of extreme suffering or grief, very often God's love is best perceived through the flesh of ordinary people like you and me. In such a way we can indeed function as the body of Jesus Christ." ~Yancey

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

James 1:2-4, I Peter 2:20-21, I Peter 4:12-13, Philippians 3:7-10, Romans 8, Hebrews 5:7-9

Tentative Plans

Yesterday I had a talk with my manager. I hated to tell her that I am planning to leave, but I knew I could not put it off any longer. She was extremely gracious, as I knew she would be. I was able to tell her the things I wanted to about how I have enjoyed working with her and the staff on the floor and my reasons for leaving. She told me that I have contributed a lot to Joseph 2B (my unit), that I should use her for a reference, and that she would give me raving reviews. Then she gave me a hug. I told her about my plans and goals. After that, I had such a load off my shoulders and felt so free! Some of you already know what I've been brainstorming about, but here are my tentative plans from now until January in a nutshell.

Mama, Daddy, Anna, and Angela are planning to come visit at the end of this month. We hope to travel up north to Voyager National Park and see things along the way as well, like the headwaters of the Mississippi and the lake country that Minnesota is so well known for. It will be cold up there, and one of my friends that worked at the national park for four summers said there may still be some ice fishing going on up there. I guess we'll brave it.

I have some more vacation time in late May. I may drive home seeing some people along the way and taking a car load of things.

In June, July, and the first week of August I will be working with a nursing student for the same internship that I did here two summers ago (has it really been that long!). We have already communicated via email, and I am very excited to meet her!

My official stop date at work will probably be around mid August. This has been in my head since November, but I didn't want to make it too widely known until things were more final. I want to be near home for awhile again, whether it is only a year or more. I feel that I need to spend some more time with my sisters, parents, grandparents, and anyone else who would like to frequent the area. I've debated at length on what area of nursing I would like to apply for, and my plan now is to apply for a job in Amarillo in an emergency department. If that doesn't work out, I'll have to make a plan B.

However, I have the usual itch to travel. I'm checking into the possibility of going to Peru or some place in Latin America to study Spanish and volunteer for September through November. That would help me become much closer to being bilingual and should help so much at an ER in Texas. At the same time, I think it would be amazing to get to take a break from routine nursing to explore international possibilities and just get to enjoy the culture, people, and environment of that area. One of the schools has a one month study/volunteer opportunity in Manu National Park http://www.manu-national-park.info/, which sounds amazing to me! Then there are the famous Inca ruins of Machu Picchu http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=Machu%20Picchu&m=tags&s=int to visit, along with the possibility of hiking the Inca trail. There are multiple language schools in Cusco and other cities and villages where I might study a few hours a day and find volunteer work from orphanages to hospitals to homes for street kids to English tutoring.

After that, perhaps I will enjoy December and the holidays with my family before starting work in January. Sound like a plan? Obviously, there are multiple details to work out, and I know that God has a way of changing and molding my plans, so we will see what happens. For now, I am excited about making the most of my summer here while trying to make plans and remain flexible about the future.

Alive

On the way home from work a little bit ago, I was thinking about how I do not like to shop because, to me, shopping is not living. Shopping is like an activity of daily living; it's something to complete so you can live. Then I thought, "What do I consider living?" Spending quality time with people, reading, learning, thinking, spending time outdoors, and learning about God and life through the process. Philipians 1:21 has been on my heart this year: "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Today was slow at work, so that left more time to linger in patients' rooms. One charming little lady said that people ask her how she is, and she says, "Fine." They don't understand how she can be fine when she's is not fine. "But," she continued, "nobody wants to listen to me complain." I instinctively turned towards the door, wishing certain other people had heard those words of truth. "I guess you are fine," I replied, "if you are fine in your heart." She agreed and added, "I have had a good life." "And you will have," I finished, "you still have life ahead of you." She added that she does have good quality of life.

Later, I was helping someone else's patient who said out of the blue that his sons don't care a bit for him. Come to find out, no one does.

"Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. But it's the same world. How come?" –Dr. Wayne Dyer

Friends, make sure that you are not going through the motions, but that you are LIVING! Today one of our secretaries told me of a patient diagnosis and told me to live today because tomorrow we die. You know, I completely agree, though our definitions of "living" may differ. Well, today I am living!

Speaking of living, I have some real living planned for the next several months too!!! For the sake of time and to keep you waiting, here's just the first thing. On Thursday, I am flying to Washington DC to visit Micah and go to a wedding with him!!! The rest of the developments and plans will just have to wait for a post of their own...

Fresh Morning

Temperature: 15
Feels like: -1
Refreshing?

Late Night Ramblings

I like nursing. No, I LOVE it!!! I thought you would want to know:)

Maybe I should share that I am about to bounce off the walls right now too. Don't ask me why; I don't know. I feel like I could stay up all night like I did a couple of nights ago when I worked a double shift (3pm to 8am). Maybe it's because I've been going strong for hours and just haven't stopped. Some days, like today, a call light went off every time I sat down to document, so I had to stay way late doing computer charting. However, my satisfaction in work comes from giving that human touch to my patients, making them comfortable, chatting with them a moment, or helping another nurse that is overwhelmed. If I am satisfied with my work, I don't care if I have to stay an hour late to chart.

Another thing that gets me fired up is when I see something that should be done better. Example: A person, particularly elderly, can develop a stage 2 pressure ulcer in just one shift if he/she is not kept clean and turned. I've seen this happen more than once. Sometimes it is so hard to provide proper care, but seeing this makes me want to teach and improve care. I've seen hospice patients go from being all hagard to looking so comfortable and peaceful after my friend, Rosetta, gave a bed bath and positioned them comfortably. Some day, after I get more experience, maybe I'll end up back in geriatrics or hospice...

Now I'm beginning to yawn. Maybe that means it's time to go to bed.

My Day

Upset patient: "I want to talk to my nurse!"
Me: "I AM your nurse." (and have been for the last three days...)
Patient: "You don't look old enough to be my nurse. How old are you?"

Leaving patient's room to get clippers to trim his toe nails:
Patient: "You don't have to take off your gloves!"
Me: "I do need to. I just put bacitracin on your wound and have ointment on my gloves."

Patient: "I want to die."
Me: "Are you serious that you want to die?"
Patient: "No, it's just a figure of speech."

I'm getting gloves on.
Patient, in sudden outburst: "Hurry up!"
Me: "Are you okay?"

Patient: "Don't do that! Don't do that! Don't do that!"

Patient: "Just let me die!"

Patient: "Put me out in the corridor."
Me: "I can't do that. Would you like to walk down and sit in the waiting room?"
Patient: "Not in my condition."

Patient: "Go get my husband. I want to call my doctor."

Patient: "I'm leaving."
Me: "Please do!" (I didn't actually say that.)

Me to another nurse: "I'm so glad I don't have to come back tomorrow!"
Nurse: "I've never heard you say that."

Me, walking out to my car an hour late: "It's been a good day. What made it a good day? I was a good nurse:)"

Well, maybe my responses were less than therapeutic, and the three patients quoted above were less than happy (depressed, spoiled princess, and belligerent, by name), but they got cleaned up, didn't develop any new bed sores, and got along as well with me as anyone else. My fourth patient was a doll, but had to drink Go-Lytely all day:)

My Sisters

This evening I talked to my lovely sisters. Anna, Angela, and I have had so such wonderful times together! I'm looking forward to many more!