A Few More Pictures

I may just have to post bit by bit, because there is still so much to say. Sarah took the photo below. It shows a bit of what the traffic is like. Rules are almost nonexistant. In fact, the people don't follow the stoplights, so policemen direct traffic in the important intersections. Sleeping on a rickshaw.

Angie and I in a rickshaw.

Below is Sarah eating Kulfi, an Indian ice cream served in a clay pot. It is flavored with cardamom, almonds, and pistachios. Yum!

Practically anything can be carried on a bicycle or rickshaw!

Village Visits

Muslim school teaching the faith in an all Muslim village.
The making of a dupatta, the scarf sort of thing that women wear over their shoulders with the salwar kameez suits.

Keep warm, kid!

Angie can read!

The best place to dry laundry.

Notice the eye liner on the boy on the right. This is to prevent evil eye.

Bright faces!

Water buffalo, the "beef" of India since most people there don't eat cows. Most of the milk is from water buffalo as well. It has a different flavor, but it's delicious.

The other use of the water buffalo and cows! The manure burns well. That is the brown stuff stacked on the roof.

More rooftop laundry.

Some Muslim women wear colorful clothes, while others wear this. It depends on the family.

Outdoor clinic.

Blowing the gloves up into baloons.

Fires such as this are the source of the smoky haze that is enough to delay flights.

Pumping water.

A Bit about the Trip

When people ask how my trip was, I say, "Interesting." It was. Nothing went wrong. None of us got sick. I got to see some amazing sites, experience a culture that is a world different from my own, eat delicious food, and spend time with wonderful people. Somehow, though, it's been hard to talk about it immediately, because I'm still processing it myself. I have to admit that going to India was more of a shock than I anticipated. I thought nothing could shock me too much. I was prepared for even more poverty and suffering than I saw, but I wasn't prepared for the culture. I only barely began to learn how to interact with people and how to interpret various gestures and responses. All of that said, I'm sure I'll be posting pictures and thoughts along the way. I took so many, but there were s thousand left untaken that I just couldn't get because we were driving or I thought I would be to conspicuous. Right now, though, I'm sitting in a hospital room listening to someone snore. I only have access to a few pictures and I don't feel like turning this into a comprehensive post on life in India:) I do, however, want to let you know that I am back safe and sound.

I haven't gotten over jet lag yet, though. Including flights and layovers, it took me 48 hours to get from the town in India to Rochester. I came here completely exhausted expecting to sleep soundly. I did get a lot of sleep that first night, but my brain was so confused, and it wasn't a good sleep. I refrained from napping, but last night I was so awake after midnight that it wasn't even funny! I didn't go to bed until 2:30am. So tonight, I'm trying to make it all better by working a double shift, from 3pm-7am. That should help, right? Or not.

India

Sarah and I are planning to leave for India on Monday the 14th! We are getting excited and making last minute plans. One of my friends who is adopted from India came over yesterday to loan me some of her clothes, including this sari. It took much time and effort to get me wrapped up like this!

I should get back on the 26th. While there, I plan to take lots of pictures! I could tell you what we are planning to do, but these plans will probably change, so instead, I'll just ask you to remember us and pray for us as we prepare for and go on this next adventure!

Recent Events

The last few weeks in words and pictures:)

My computer died, so I didn't have must of an opportunity for blogging. After my short trip home over Christmas, I got a Toshiba. Last night I stayed up late after work to get the internet working. So, here are some photos from the time at home!Austin got a picture of his own, because he didn't make it into the one above.

Miss Angela was popular!

Daddy and Austin looking at birds.

Fun with Austin and Thomas. No, Austin wasn't getting a paddlin', he was just reaching for the one that fell on the floor!

The grassy hills looked to me like sand dunes against the blue sky. The stillness felt like the world was holding it's breath.

Anna against the sunset.

Rochester Family Portrait

Here are some of the people that I hang out with the most! Bottom row L-R, Sarah, Sarah, Kate. Back row, Amy, Maurita. I love these girls! This picture is from my birthday party/Kate's going away party. It was the best time ever as we ate Mexican food, had gingerbread and tea, and sat around the fireplace talking. I still need to get a picture of my roommates to share.

I keep meaning to post some other deep thoughts on pain or something, but I've been bad at this whole blogging thing. You all had some good responses to that post. It seems that I've just been busy with this and that, from work to social gatherings. Today, I played flute with some girls for a song. Then, this evening, I went over to the McGregor's for high tea. We had a little talent show, and I think I laughed 'til my stomach hurt. This week will be very busy, then I'm going home on Saturday for a few days!

Love without Fear

The last few days, it seems that I have had a hard time caring about my patients. Part of it, I think, is that I need to stop talking about how difficult they are, because it only contributes to a bad attitude on my part. On Wednesday, I just got very frustrated with myself. Two of my patients were very particular, time consuming, anxious, and both wanted to do things a lot later than schedule. I find sometimes that I am very much of a perfectionist. If I can't do things right and on schedule I can get very frustrated. I hate having to pass things off to the next nurse, and if I can't get it all neatly done, I feel inadequate. I also feel inadequate when I have to rely on the others for help. One of the other nurses was able to spend the time to give the emotional support that one of my patients needed. Somehow, I couldn't supply that, perhaps because I needed some myself. Sometimes it's just so hard to receive from other people because then I feel indebted and have to acknowledge my own inadequacy. Sometimes, it's just hard to be honest with myself. Yesterday, the charge nurse gave me a completely different assignment, since I felt like crying all day the day before. It was a much better day, but I still felt a lack of compassion for what my patients were going through.

Yesterday I cleaned, cooked, had company, took a long walk, talked with my friend Anna, and went to a L'Abri lecture. During the lecture, I was completely overwhelmed by my own selfishness. I care about many people, but most of that is motivated by my own needs. A true friend genuinely cares about the well being of another. That's why many people find that their "friends" disappear when they face a hardship. Then, some of us have the problem of caring about others, and then being completely surprised and incredulous when we realize that someone else actually cares about us! I saw this yesterday when I had a nice visit with someone. "Thanks for the visit. I really enjoyed it," I said in parting. "You really enjoyed it?" He was surprised, couldn't believe I meant it. Yes, I actually enjoyed the visit with you.

Realizing I needed a change of attitude in dealing with my patients and others, I read through several of my past blogs today. Many of the ones that are about patients are a bit vague in effort to maintain confidentiality on the Internet, but boy oh boy, I laughed and cried as I remembered many of those specific patient incidents! I just need to get my perspective back.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of talking with a man who is going through cancer treatments. He was trying to tell how his life is being changed by what is happening, but he doesn't really know how or how to explain what he does know. Some of the things that are happening in his heart, the concern he can have for another person, or the concern that he can share with someone is unexplainable. Sometimes the lack of words but strength of love that can pass between two individuals is hard to explain, particularly when it is between two people grappling with eternity. I was hearing from a friend a couple of days ago about how God led her to tell a stranger that she was praying for her. Then we were thinking about other instances when people do something uncharacteristic and unguarded to care for someone else. Then we asked simultaneously: "Why is is so hard?" Why does it take going through cancer treatments for one man to hug another man in true compassion without thinking of what others will think? There is a line in a song that Over the Rhine sings that stuck with me the other day:

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

Pain

According to Mayo Clinic, this is a myth: Pain is good for you. It builds strength and character.
What do you think?

It's Time to Dance

This just made my day!

Click on the D in dancing below
D ancing

Thanks for sending this to me, Elaine!

Oh, the last couple of days held plenty of opportunities to make the most of situations. Yesterday morning I enjoyed a cup of tea with Leah as we watched the snow fall. Then I went to work early to catch Sarah on her lunch break, during which we bought tickets to India...yeah, more details to come. Then, it iced, so Sarah walked home with me and spent the night here. Considering ourselves iced in, we made pancakes for brunch. At one point, I fell down the stairs to my room, and there wasn't even any ice on them! I left for work early to go help Sarah dig her car out. It took a lot of scraping, but we got her on her way. My evening was made up of giving oxycodone (a narcotic pain medication), doing dressing changes, giving oxycodone, emptying drains, giving oxycodone, flushing drains, giving oxycodone... One of my patients gets between 400-500mg of oxycodone each day, and she weighs less than 100 pounds. Most patients with severe post-operative pain get between 30-60mg each day. In other words, most of us would die given the doses she has developed tolerance to. I had fun with the patients and nurses today, and I walked home on the ice without falling. Now for a night of sleep and two days off...

God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan

This evening I watched "God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan" at L'Abri. It is a well done documentary on the Lost Boys, their struggles for survival in refugee camps and in the United States. After watching it, I felt like weeping for Africa, just weeping, as though my tears might heal the wounds of the suffering across the world.

The discussion afterwards was inspiring. Obang, an Ethipian refugee, and Ruth, from Somalia, along with others, shared about their own experiences, the current plight of those still in Africa and those within our midst here.

Rent this film. Buy it. Watch it. Cry over it. Think about it. Do something about it. Don't watch it alone. Share it with friends. Discuss it. Be changed.

Learning to Live

I'm trying to learn how to live. I'm trying to learn to plan for the future but live in the moment, to take things seriously, yet lightly. I'm trying to learn how to love and be loved. I'm trying to learn how to work and play and make each moment special. I'm trying to learn to feel and to think. I'm trying to learn to be broken without falling apart. I'm trying to understand what I can while accepting mystery. I'm trying to learn how to see, listen, laugh, cry, give, receive. I'm trying to learn how to love God. I'm trying to learn to be ever desiring without greed, to strive for what is good and beautiful but accept that which is flawed. I'm trying to learn how to be mature yet childlike. I'm trying to learn how to live fully and die to myself. I'm trying to learn this a little at a time without being too overwhelmed.

I'm trying to learn the art of a life well lived. I'm trying to learn more than I can learn by myself.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16

A Lady

I just drove a lady to dialysis. It was a five minute drive, during which time I learned a lot about her. She lived in Anchorage, Alaska, for 37 years working with the FBI. When she found out that I am a nurse, she turned and shook my hand as I drove with the introduction, "I'm a doctor." When asked what kind of doctor, she hesitated before saying that she is a psycholigist, MD. She also translates 27 dialects of Chinese as well as some Japanese. Oh, and she sings solos at Mayo, classical. In fact, she sang at Elvis Presley's wedding (probably not classical:). Her most notable achievement? Making up stories. I wonder what's true.

Loving People, Living Art

"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." ~Sophia Loren

Lately, as I have been working, looking through photos and quotes, and trying to decorate my room, I have been enthralled with art, beauty, creativity. Some days I think I would like to do photography full time, then I think perhaps I could do it on the side, then I realize it might be most effective and rewarding when done in conjunction with caring for people. I don't know. I just know I want to pursue it more in some way. Perhaps you have some advice?

Here are some quotes from people wiser than myself along with thoughts from my own life...

"I feel there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." ~Vincent van Gogh

Loving people and being loved is truly an art. In college, we talked about nursing as an art. That's because it is about caring for people. Every person is different, and you have the challenge of trying to connect with them in seconds, minutes, hours and convince them that you care and can be trusted. With each new patient, you begin afresh. Such was my experience with a 90-year-old mostly blind lady the last two days. So many people go in and out of the room and care for her, but she can't recognize them. She could come across a bit rude or abrupt at moments, but deep down, there was a heart that was living, throbbing, tender, yet a bit scared. If you were to ask me what the best part of my day was yesterday, I would reply that it was giving this lady a shower.

While in the shower, I learned about her past, her family, her loves, and her fears. Since she is blind, showing her a beautiful photograph wouldn't mean anything. Instead, I mentioned a couple of my favorite quotes...by Helen Keller. To my surprise, she joined me in quoting this: "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." That was a golden moment. As I washed her hair, I told her what a lovely white it was. She shared that when she was a girl, she knew a lady with the most beautiful white hair and hoped that hers would some day be like that. Well, when she was 21 her hair began to show some grey. She dyed it for a few years, but now has the purest white hair. To me, when someone shares something deep within the heart or memory, I catch my breath. I was trusted enough to get a glimpse into the deep places of the heart, the places where the only things are that really matter.

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~Kevin Arnold

The second best part of the day? Thanks for asking. Perhaps it was threatening one of the doctors with a walker:) Or maybe it was walking out into the scattered snowflakes, or talking with my nurse orientee over lunch, or gazing at a sleeping, newborn baby, or watching little children in their element at a harvest party, or snuggling into a bed of flannel sheets for the first time this fall.

"To me, every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle." ~Walt Whitman

My 90-year-old friend was hallucinating about gremlins, goblins, and witches yesterday. I wondered what I would hallucinate about if I were hallucinating. Thankfully, instead, I had a wonderful dream last night!

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy." ~Rabindranath Tagore

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." ~Storm Jameson

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel." ~Unknown

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman

I hope you are enjoying daily moments of the love and beauty that God has placed all around you and living, truly living in gratitude.