ICE

Daniel is here visiting me! He got the detailed tour of Mayo and downtown Rochester in zero degree weather.

We looked at the ice sculptures, sat on ice benches, and tried without success to look warm and comfy for the pictures.

The huge chapel at St. Mary's hospital, which I somehow never went to see until yesterday.

Chilhuly glass art, some of the many works of art scattered through the Mayo downtown campus.

This ambulance looks like an adventure...

...or maybe not. It is comforting to know that there was a straw mattress on the cot to soften the jolting ride.

The Lord Knows

It's so amazing to me how the Lord encourages me at just the time I need it the most. I had been feeling so burned out at work and life. As I mentioned in the previous post, one of my friends from a small group really cheered me up. My apartmentmate, Sarah, also shared her thoughts and those of a friend on how love can be painful, especially when you love and seem to get nothing in return. Someone else from the small group shared how Much Afraid, in Hinds' Feet on High Places had two traveling companions for the beginning of her journey to the high places, Sorrow and Suffering. While they may seem unpleasant, they were actually there to help her on you way, to help her climb higher.

The time yesterday praying with one of my patients was very uplifting, even though he was in the middle of extreme pain. Yesterday evening, I was so blessed by Psalms 24 and 25.

Pslam 25

4Make me to know your ways,

O Lord;

teach me your paths.

5 Lead me in your truth and

teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

10 All the paths of the Lord are

steadfast love and

faithfulness,

for those who keep his covenant

and his testimonies.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart are

enlarged;

bring me out of my distresses.

Sometimes it seems like all of our love and care accomplishes nothing. Some days I feel like I am just accomplishing a set of tasks. There are other days that I am able to provide very good nursing care. Back in December, I had such fun with an elderly gentleman and his wife. They had so many questions, and I was able to help them find the answers. They were farmers, and we had quite the farm conversations. The man, my patient, even asked me how long Daddy's combine header is. Sorry, Daddy, but I didn't know! Rarely do I exchange contact information with patients, but I really regretted that I didn't with these people. Today, a lady came around the corner and asked for an Amy Harris. I happened to be right there. She had a card, a package, and two hugs for me! The card was so sweat, and in it was a business card with their contact information and an invitation for me to stay at their house any time! The package was a basket full of Bath & body Works products! What could make my day more special! We do make a difference, friends. Many times we may never have the opportunity to know, but every once in a while, God knows we need some encouragement. Be steadfast. Keep loving and caring, even when it's hard.

The patients that are often the hardest to get to leave the hospital are those who don't want to, and those who don't want to often have no place to go or no one to care for them. I have had a few such patients recently. One was homeless and had been living with one "friend" after another, but he felt sure that none of them would be willing to care for him. On my drive to Ben and Tandalee's last week, I went through everyone I could think of and thanked God for each one. Some I counted twice! Then I thought of who would be willing to take care of me if I needed help. Wow! Did I ever feel blessed! You think about it!

Snow Times

Last week I visited Ben and Tandalee in Illinois...


There was snow on the ground all of the way. Once it snowed here a few weeks ago, it has stayed white because it is so cold. It snowed again today.

I did go skiing for the first time, and did I get sore! We spent about 8 hours at the ski place and had a wonderful time in the outdoors. It was so nice to feel far removed from the hospital and just be outside.


I've been a little burned out with work lately. It seems to be particularly hard when I work several consecutive days, because I have some of the same patients several days in a row. Sometimes I just want a change. However, a friend of mine from a small group that has been a nurse for 28 years gave me some words of encouragement. I can get so caught up in doing everything right and on time that I forget to take advantage of all of those special moments. Today I had a special moment praying with a patient who is afraid to die. Praying with patients is something that I don't offer to do often enough.

Words of wisdom: if you get drunk bad things can happen...really bad. We have had several alcohol related accidents, three of which were falls, that are rather dumb but very serious!
"A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart."
~Johann Wolfgang Van Gothe

Silver Lake

Yesterday I went walking with a couple of friends, Katie and Maurita, three if you count London, the yellow lab! We went to Silver Lake, which turned out to be more like goose lake. I took several photos, but they were not free, because my fingers nearly froze from being out of my gloves in the wind.

The day before, Sarah and I went for a walk in the snow. I've been enjoying my new, warm coat and gloves!

Help!

I'm looking for suggestions. What kind of job would allow me to travel all over the world working with people and learning about plants, animals, geology, and anthropology? I just had the best evening in a long time looking through 1001 Natural Wonders You Must See Before You Die by Michael Bright and talking about travel with a friend. Yes, I love nursing--it gives me a chance to interview people about their lives--but I like lots of other stuff too. Sigh...

PS I really do want YOUR suggestions! The wilder and more exotic the better! Names, organizations, people you know that have found a way and what they did...

Time

Wouldn't it be interesting if we could go back in time to an era when the concept of time was different? There was a time, believe it or not, when there were no beeping alarm clocks or watches. How did people do shift work, such as those who watched for enemies during the night from the city walls? When it was time for the next person to take over, did he just spontaneously wake up and show up at work? Did people with jobs just wake up at the right time when the city started to become active so they could go start work? How did they know when to go home, when to have meals prepared, when to go out and farm? After a particularly fatiguing day, did they sometimes sleep too long? Did they plan to meet someone when the sun was overhead or at the evening meal? Imagine what kind of chaos would ensue if we proclaimed a national day of timelessness--no watches, alarm clocks, computer clocks, cell phone clocks, car clocks, or sundials allowed. Well, I guess that's not possible, so just count how many times you look at a time machine in a 24 hours period. Wait, that's not possible either.

Well, my watch is ticking and my alarm clock is set...

The Challenge

The challenge: think of something for which I am thankful AND write it down every day.

On paper, I would look like the most blessed person with a life as near perfect as is possible. I have gotten nearly everything I could want in life: my family, friends, degree, job, residence, salvation. What more could I want? Why then am I not more thankful? Why do I complain in my heart under a façade of happiness? I've often pursued challenge and hard work, but deep down, I want a comfortable life. That's not the right focus, because an easy life doesn't lead to growth or happiness.

I just had a most thought provoking talk with a friend who encouraged me to write down special experiences. By thinking about and writing them down, my focus might turn more towards God and others than self. It's easy to think of the big things mentioned above, but what about the many small joys God drops in my lap each day? It might just be a look from a patient, a kind word from a coworker, the encouragment of a companion, a ray of sunshine. Pick up a pen and paper and write it down. It will do me good to review these from time to time and continue to find purpose in everyday life. I know this sounds very Pollyannaish, but Pollyanna had some things right!

Fun Times

Entering into an icy Texas panhandle... It was great to fly away from Rochester for a break with my family.

The girls and I had quite a time taking rides...and dumps...in the cart! I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Someone may protest some of the photos posted here, but you must agree there are some prize expressions!

My time there was so short, but I got to see my parents and all of my grandparents and siblings at one time or another. The long time traveling provided reading, visiting, and sleeping oportunities. I finished What's So Amazing about Grace and read a book by a flight nurse. While home, I got to do things like play the flute with Anna, Guess Who with Angela, chat and go on walks with everyone, and enjoy the feel of wind and the site of tumble weeds, sand colored grass, endless blue sky, and real sunshine!

The Texas Panhandle Song
The wind is blowing right along,
It’s the Texas Panhandle song.
While the wind jiggles the door latch,
The tumble weeds whirl and catch.
When I look through the window glass,
I see it bend and wave the grass.

It is blowing the clouds away

So the warm sun can shine today.

It blows the fall leaves off a tree.

When I go out it blows on me.

The wind's still blowing right along,

It's the Texas Panhandle song.

~Amy

Bittersweet

Saying goodbye to patients can be bittersweet. The last several days I have had the same patients. Two of them have been in the hospital for months, but I got to work on discharge issues for each of them and even see one off to rehab. The one I discharged today was the main contributer to one of my worst days at work a couple of months ago. The last few days have been a pleasure working with him. The other gave me a hug yesterday once I got home health care set up. But the one I really want to tell about is another. He has been here for a few days, and I have been his nurse for the morning shift every single one of those days. Today, when I told him goodbye, he kept getting teary eyed. It's rewarding but also sad when my patients get so attached. That has happened with several patients lately.

Working

Working around the holiday is interesting. On Friday, I ended up working four hours on a trauma orthopedics floor and four hours in pediatrics. It made for a busy but fun day as I worked somewhere other than my floor for the first time. Today was busy with patient care and teaching along with new doctor orders all of the time.

I keep laughing every time I think of one couple. Teaching the husband to do the dressing change on his wife was hilarious! Knowing that he had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease like his wife, I was expecting someone feeble and on oxygen. Instead, I was greated by an energetic roll your sleeves up and dive in sort of man! The biggest problem we had with the dressing change was when he cracked his wife up laughing and we had to stop until she recovered. By the way, that was not a bad problem, because it was a painful procedure. Then, in the end, I got to have a demonstration of how he can growl! After the dressing change, he asked me if I would consider going into teaching. Things like this make me happy:)

It is a bit hard to know that all of my family is home without me right now. Yesterday they met with Mama's side of the family and today was with Daddy's family. Three of my cousins are there with babies that I have yet to meet. At the same time, the opportunity to spend it with the people who are in the hospital is a blessing, because most of them want to be there less than I do. Knowing that I will get to fly home, Lord willing, in less than a week sure helps!!!

"A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart." ~Johann Wolfgang Van Gothe

Blessed

I feel like the most blessed person in the whole, wide world! The last few days have just been packed with wonderful visits with special people! So many people care! To top it all off, I got to visit a couple of senior citizens yesterday and today. I tell you, if you want to be blessed, go visit elderly people who are lonely! It will bless you more than it can possibly bless them!

Forgiveness

"Not to forgive imprisons me in the past." ~Philip Yancey

"He who cannot forgive another breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself." ~George Herbert

I am slowly working through Philip Yancey's book What's So Amazing about Grace. So many points in this book have hit home with me, but he does a particularly excellent job addressing the issue of forgiveness as it relates to interpersonal and even international issues. The problem with forgiveness is that it is unfair. If you have been wronged shouldn't the perpetrator have to pay? That is how the cycle of ungrace, grudges, and revenge begins. Yancey points out a jamlog between grace and justice. Doesn't reason say that only justice is right? Guardini says: "As long as you are tangled in wrong and revenge, blow and counterblow, aggression and defense, you will be constantly drawn into fresh wrong...only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others." I've seen this happen in simple fun things like pillow fights. One person starts it, the other pows back to get even, but the blow was either not hard enough or too hard to call it equal, so the fight continues. Who can ever say at what point it is actually even? The same is the case in tribal and international conflicts. Countries or races nurture grudges from centuries ago up through the current fresh injuries and the conflict is perpetuated generation to generation.

Yancey explains, "The strongest argument in favor of grace is the alternative, a world of ungrace. The strongest argument for forgiveness is the alternative, a permanent state of unforgiveness." To strengthen his point, Yancey points out examples of grace and ungrace from bombings to the Holocaust and individual and national responses. It all comes back to the quote at the beginning of this post: "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past." ~Philip Yancey

So many people are stuck in the past nurturing grievances such as abuse that can never be undone or the murder of loved ones that cannot be brought back to life. Forgiveness does not justify sin, but it frees the wronged to move forward and break the chain of ungrace and vengence. Forgiveness may not be easy and it may not be instant, but it marks the beginning of recovery from wrong. It frees the forgiver to move forward. It helps lift the burden of guilt from the forgiven. When you think an atrocity is too big to be forgiven, remember that Jesus asked his Father to forgive His crusifiers. Remember the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18: 21-35. In order for us to receive God's forgiveness, it is important that we forgive each other. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:12, 14-15

We already know what a world of ungrace looks like. Yancey reminds of Ghandi's observation that the world would go blind if we follow the "eye for an eye" rule. I think the world's already largely blinded. What would it look like if we add a little grace and forgiveness? What would it look like for you to forgive those whose wrongs you nurture? Will you strive to break the cycle of ungrace in your own life and your family?

Aware

Perhaps one of the things I love most about photography is that is helps me discover the world around me. So many things about it parallel life. It's all about lighting, distance, what is included or excluded, which part is in focus, perspective. It's about seeking, discovering, and capturing beauty. Sometimes the simplest, everyday subjects make the best photos. How you see each day depends on how you look at it.

Become a child again. Open your eyes to fresh, new discoveries. Never cease to wonder and be amazed. Walk off the trail. Crawl through underbrush. Stand awed at the power of the wind in the treetops.Use your senses. Listen, smell, see, feel. Become aware of your surroundings. Don't get so caught up in yourself that you fail to discover the world around you. Incorporate some adventure into your life!

"How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure." ~Chesterton

My Little Brother

I have a wonderful
"little" brother! One of my earliest memories includes the fact that Daniel was too little to do something that I, a big girl, was able to do. Well, that didn't last too long. He tries to let me keep my place as older sister, but I've found myself needing his expertise more than once! It was hard to know what he would do when he grew up, because he was always great with things like cattle, horses, and woodworking; he loved the outdoors and anything related to old time farm life.
He knows how to tie knots!
Late in high school, he became interested in the unlikely profession of healthcare! Far from what I would have expected from him, he took to EMT things and then nursing. It has been so much fun sharing stories, knowledge, and experiences with Daniel over these last few years as he we have both studied nursing. His love for the Lord, skill at working with people, competence, and enthusiasm for what he does are what make him one of the best!

Daniel, I can't believe that you just finished your last nursing final and are ready to graduate!

Everyday News

Are you tired of hearing only what is going wrong in the world? Are you frustrated with our news media? YOU need to hear Everyday News!

http://www.visionforum.com/hottopics/multimedia/enn/2006/12/1969.aspx

Thanksgiving Forward

Our WHOLE family, 10 total, met this year in Macomb, Illinois, at Ben and Tandalee's apartment for Thanksgiving. What may have been quite an in-law experience for Tandalee, with 8 extra hungry mouths to feed and 6 extra full beds, couches, and blow-up mattresses, was a good time for the rest of us:) We had some very nice meals and time to just relax and visit. The weather was sunny and gorgeous, so we got in some Frisbee throwing and walks. I got to spend nearly a week there enjoying family and reading books.
My week to rest, visit, and just think was broken harshly by my first days of work when I returned to Rochester. Those first two days in particular were full of new doctors' orders, constant patient needs and complications, extensive coordination, a constantly beeping pager, and phone calls to prepare patients for discharge and transfer. I failed to take a break those first two days, and an unexpected encounter in the hall resulted in person breaking a bone. It was not directly anyone's fault, but I felt indirectly responsible and was the only witness, so I had to report what happened to security. Yesterday, I was able to visit with the person, who does not blame me and is able to laugh about it all inspite of being in the hospital.

The last couple of days carried an interesting twist as well. Yesterday I had a patient adamantly request another nurse. The day before, I was a good nurse, though the patient was crabby. I was dreading having this patient again, but kept telling myself that just one patient like that should not be able to ruin my day or control me. Well, I saw the spouse in the hall, who wanted me to come in and say "Hi." The patient didn't remember me right away, then it dawned; I was that horrible, incompetent, in-your-face nurse from the day before. From that moment on, it was impossible to regain my reputation. Anything I did or said was wrong. My best plan of action was to get other nurses to help me as much as possible and keep my mouth tightly shut. You know, it's rather hard to care for a patient who constantly gives you the hate stare and snaps at you occasionally, making a point to complement the care of the other nurses. One bright spot is that the spouse kept hugging me and telling me not to take it hard. I just feel sorry for what that spouse goes through day in day out. Finally, at 7pm, I was able to take another patient and give mine away.

Over the last couple of weeks, I feel like I have learned a lot through my difficult experiences. I'm beginning to feel much more competent and confident. I came home laughing about it all yesterday. Give me all kinds of tubes and wounds, and I'm ready to take them on!